auld lang syne
by i AM the Random Idiot
Summary: axelkairi. for loren: Let’s drink a toast to innocence, let’s drink a toast to time. Reliving in our eloquence...another auld lang syne. :merry belated christmas:


**auld lang syne**

(axelkairi. for loren) Let's drink a toast to innocence, let's drink a toast to time. Reliving in our eloquence...another auld lang syne. (merry belated christmas)

(a/n) gawd, this is so late.

but anyway, I promised loren an axel/kairi for christmas. here.

(disclaimer) "same old lang syne" belongs to dan fogelberg. all characters belong to square-enix and disney. all rights reserved.

xxx

"I hate the cold," Axel whispered to no one, his teeth chattering. "I hate it, I hate it, I frickin' hate it." He was sitting in the driver's seat of the idling van shared by him and his bandmates, listening to the static on the radio, swearing at the busted heater, and waiting for his lead guitarist to haul ass out of the grocery store so they could get back to the apartment, which had insulation at least, if not much more heating than the van. _"Frickin' hate it."_

A rustle in the back told him he'd woken the van's only other occupant, their drummer. "...W'd you shu'up? H's a man w'tha hangover s'posed to sleep i'off, ya stup'd motherf—"

"Complain to Demyx when he gets back, if he ever does." Axel internally sighed. How he loathed Saïx. It wasn't worth the effort to get a group consensus on kicking him out, though; the fact that he was also one of the best drummers in music didn't help Axel's case.

Five minutes later, the van was not any warmer. "Damn it all, what kind of Christmas Eve _is _this?" Axel cursed out loud, kicking the stubborn door open. "Saïx, I'm going in to get him. Stay put."

His bandmate snarled something unprintable, roughly equivocating to _Axel, I don't care what you do, so long as it involves keeping away from me so I can resume being oblivious to the world at large._ Axel slammed the door shut, swore at it, kicked it, and swore again when a large chunk of snow slid from the roof into his face. Thus, it was in an especially foul mood that he stalked into the Sooper Mart.

Demyx was standing in front of the milk case. "Oh, thank God you're here, Axel!" he squeaked. "I couldn't remember if you and Saïx liked two percent or skim, but I knew if I came out to ask, Saïx would rip me a new one, so I was afraid to come out, so I thought I might remember if—"

"Get the two percent," Axel told him sharply. Saïx hated two percent. "It's cold as Satan's spray out there and _I'm not in a good mood_."

Demyx cringed, but before Axel could start to lay into him more effectively, he caught a glimpse of red hair by the frozen foods.

_Hey, that looks like—no. No way. But... I should go look._

"...Axel?" Demyx whimpered, startling Axel out of his reverie. _No, it couldn't be_, he thought.

"Come on, before Saïx blows up the freaking van," he muttered. They turned to go, but he turned for one last glance behind him, and—

It _was_ her!

Heedless of Demyx's protests, he rushed up behind the young woman and touched her on the sleeve. "Kairi?" he asked.

The redhead whirled around. "I'm sorry—who?" she gasped, startled.

_Oh, right. It's been years_. He hadn't seen her since college, when he'd dropped out for a record deal. Before he could reintroduce himself, she looked closer and recognition dawned in her eyes. "_Axel?_"

"Axel, who's the chick?" Demyx asked, cross that he didn't know what was going on. Axel smacked him upside the head.

To Kairi, he said, "Excuse me, Kairi; this is Demyx, my annoying bandmate. My annoying bandmate who _will be leaving now_," he growled.

Demyx made an exaggerated "oh" gesture and walked to the checkout counter with his groceries. Axel turned back to Kairi. "Oh my gosh, _Axel!_" she exclaimed, hugging him suddenly. Her purse swung violently from her arm and spilled all over the aisle. "Oh my _gosh_, of all the places! _How_? _Oh_—shoot," she complained, seeing that the contents of her purse were now scattered everywhere. Axel dropped to his knees with her, gathering up cosmetics and other miscellaneous items. Kairi dropped, too.

They looked up at the same time and met each other's eyes. Without warning, they burst into laughter. Axel was wiping tears from his eyes by the time he managed to stop. "Hey, Kai, you haven't lost your touch," he joked. She smiled and flushed. "I mean, what," he continued, babbling slightly, "twenty-six and you still look—_god_, you haven't aged at all. Not that I thought you would. I bet I did, though. You didn't even recognize me at first. It's probably my fau—"

"Well, if you didn't get those silly tattoos—"

"—your hair got so much longer—"

"—your hair is so ridiculously long, Axel, what have you been doing—?"

They chattered back and forth for a bit while gathering Kairi's stuff, but by the time they reached the checkout, the conversation began to drag embarrassingly. An awkward silence had settled between them when they reached the parking lot, punctuated by strained questions about mutual friends and long-forgotten acquaintances.

Kairi glanced around the half-empty lot, slowly whitening under the falling snow. "So, are your...bandmates here?" she asked hesitantly.

Axel made a "who the hell cares?" gesture. "No way. Saïx will have forced Demyx to move out by now. I've got a cell phone; I can call for a ride. Let's hang somewhere—I haven't seen you in ages. Think any bars are open?"

"Maybe. Here, help me get these bags to the car," Kairi said. Axel held out his arms to receive two heaping sacks of food. As their hands met, he felt something sharp graze his knuckles. Quickly, he shot a glance at Kairi's fingers to see a diamond ring and a wedding band nestled side by side.

_Oh._

"What?" Kairi asked when she saw him hesitate. She followed his gaze to her hand. "O—oh, yeah...that."

Axel could have said something warm and congratulatory. As usual, he opted to be immature. "It's nice, I guess. My bling's bigger," he commented, deftly opening the trunk latch with his foot. Kairi flushed and giggled reflexively. "Who's the lucky stiff?" Axel continued, this time unable to keep a slight edge out of his voice. "Please tell me it's not the silver-haired emo boy wonder—I hated him."

Kairi flushed again, a little more deeply this time. "No, I did _not_ marry Riku, because you know as well as I do that we're only best friends. I met him after college. He's an architect."

"Ah. Designed the dream home for you, did he?"

Kairi slammed the trunk shut with a bit more force than necessary. "Do I detect a whiff of the green-eyed monster?" she asked facetiously.

"Dearest, darlingest Kairi. I _**am**_ the green-eyed monster."

"You're funny."

They sat in the car together with the keys in the ignition, unsure. "I'm pretty sure all the bars will be closed," Kairi said. "Even the grocery people looked like they were getting ready to pack it in."

_Small town people_, Axel mentally sighed. "Well, I've got a better idea." He got out of the car. Kairi waited until he got back in, five minutes later, with a six-pack of beer. "Cheers," he said, offering Kairi the first.

"Classy," she commented. She popped the top with the opener on her keys and drained a quarter of the bottle's contents in one swig. Axel stared.

"You look practiced."

"I suppose I do."

Axel grabbed a beer for himself and reclined his seat. "You'll never beat me, though. I'm in a band."

Kairi smiled a little. "Yeah, I've seen you in the record stores." She paused, and added, "You must...be doing well."

Axel shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, sure. The audience is...heavenly." Axel paused to reflect. "Traveling's hell, though. It's not really the same without..." He trailed off and didn't finish. Awkwardly, he amended, "It's not the same."

A short silence fell. "It's four years today, isn't it?" Kairi asked softly. "When he—"

"Five." Axel cut in sharply. "Five to the day."

The question spilled out of Kairi, like she couldn't stop it if she wanted to. "Were you with him? When he—"

"Of course!" Axel exploded. To his credit, he didn't fling the empty bottle he held, but dropped it to the floor of the car. "Of course I was with him! We were best friends! Roxas and me—we were never apart! Until he drove me home after a party—I was wasted, he wasn't, and it was snowing and—"

Axel stopped, swallowed hard. "And when I woke up the next day, with the mother of all hangovers in a hospital bed, and the bed beside me was empty? Do you think that was fun? I couldn't write anything but fake tragic songs for fake tragic kids and the album went multiplatinum and the rest of the band went and got a new drummer and told me if I couldn't get my head back into it, they'd vote me out? After he and I started the whole thing? I've still got the only song he ever wrote sitting in my steamer trunk, afraid to bring it out because I don't think the world deserves to see what he was on the inside—a truly great person. And I couldn't call you or anyone else because I couldn't tell you that it was my fault."

Kairi was sobbing quietly. Axel wanted to stay angry, but seeing her cry made him feel like the world's biggest pile of human excrement. "I'm so selfish," he finished, not with anger, but with a sort of quiet self-loathing, and popped the top off another beer.

The silence grew, stretched. The liquor continued to disappear. "He loved you, you know," Axel said. God, he always got so _talkative_ after a few.

"...I know," Kairi whispered.

"..._I_ loved you, too."

Kairi said nothing to that, but reached down towards the pack. "Last one," she said, holding up the bottle.

"A toast then," Axel suggested, raising his own half-full drink. "To innocence."

"To time," Kairi agreed, clinking his with hers.

"To another auld lang syne," he concluded, finishing his off.

This time, the silence descended for good. Kairi finished her beer, and by some unspoken understanding, Axel hesitantly pecked her on the cheek and got out. It was still snowing, and the sky had long since darkened. It was quiet, though, the only noise that of Kairi's car starting and driving off.

Axel stared after it, not knowing whether the burning in his throat was from the beer they had just consumed or the memory of another snowy Christmas Eve. He stood there for a long time.

_And as he turned to make his way back home—_

_The snow turned into rain_.


End file.
